Nursing school was never planned. It kinda just happened. It turns out it is beautiful and exciting. It is the hard work, drive, and passion I have been missing since retiring from performing and coaching- yeah, I know I am still coaching, but not nearly as often. But in full disclosure, nursing school shas been hard. Not the work, not the learning, but the psychological games that seem to happen when being in a fishbowl. Being judged, graded, and assessed.

There is a t-shirt that hits it on the head. “I am not judging; I am assessing.” Nurses are judgmental, whether they acknowledge it or not. I know I judge, or I mean assess. Is there a difference? I see you with a shoulder drop or unsteady gait, your leg has a micro bend, you point the whole foot, and you smile more. It is never-ending as a coach. Today, it was a leg/glute that was weaker than the other. No difference between assessing and judging. The difference is what you do with the information gleaned from said assessment.

The fishbowl effect in psychology (not the eye) makes the one being watched hyper aware of their actions, dress, and speech, which all get overanalyzed, ultimately altering performance. This fishbowl effect affects everything from coping mechanisms, skills, and demeanor and ultimately will affect group dynamics (Neruolaunch, 2024). This fishbowl effect regarding the Christian school has implications, in that when you may or may not get judged on your moral actions or world views, this heightened sense of overanalyzing becomes even more intense. I would argue it will create a defense mechanism that are not healthy. Is this the desired outcome that teachers want? Moreover, the fishbowl effect creates a distorted view that the individual must filter to extract the reality (if such a thing exists).

The fishbowl effect of nursing school, clinical, and small-town hospitals you eventually want to work in can cause one to drown. It shows all, and people talk. I want to yell out, “Quit pretending that you are not judging and call it what it is.” Okay, I am judging, but I will help you regardless of your background, that is nursing, that is caring for all, that is dignity, that is where healing can happen. Let’s meet here in this place. That is what nursing is supposed to be. It has become forced acceptance rather than actually meeting people where they are, and this, I think, stems from the system and the liabilities nurses are up against, and ungrateful criticism. It is all about protecting that valuable license, rather than caring.

Judging makes one ungrateful and critical. Being judged makes one hyperaware and can ultimately be damaging. From experience, one can start to believe the critics and judgments. As a coach, I strive to power up before the correction needs to come, or better, if I can get the student to find the mistake in themselves, let them find the correction they need to make. A good coach/teacher can elicit the needed change without judgment, without course criticism. I have seen and worked with both good and not great.

In nursing, it is never enough. The job is an endless amount of failing one way or another. A nurse will never be enough. Cue song “Never Enough” from The Greatest Showman. After a while, it could possibly resemble a very toxic, abusive relationship; it is hard to not let those insecurities come to the forefront of actions. I play all confidently, like I am performing, like I know the routine. I should be performing, but more practice would be better. “Fake it till you make it” comes to mind. At what point do these toxic sentiments fold into themselves? I am a baby nurse trying. If that is not enough, then this is not for me; every beginner needs to start and fail. I am performing, writing, doing, or saying the right things, is that right? Is that enough?

The battle for caring and compassion will rage on amid the chaos of cynical, critical people. I will not fall prey to that mentality. They can rage at me, but I have all I need to stand firm. I am enough.

“I know well that the greater and more beautiful the work is, the more terrible will be the storms that rage against it.”

— St. Faustina

References:

NeuroLaunch.com. (2024, September 15). Fishbowl Effect in Psychology: Exploring Social behavior under observation. https://neurolaunch.com/fishbowl-effect-psychology/